Two Pints by Roddy Doyle

Author:Roddy Doyle [Doyle, Roddy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-345-80768-7
Publisher: Knopf Canada
Published: 2012-11-05T16:00:00+00:00

20-12-11

— SEE THE QUEEN’S goin’ to mention Ireland in her Christmas speech.

— Ah, great. I might mention her in mine.

— It’s a big deal.

— Not really. I just say a few words to the family.

— The Queen’s one, I meant.

— Fuck ’er – she has it easy.

— She’s goin’ to say Ireland’s great or somethin’.

— She can hardly say we’re a bunch o’ cunts.

— They’d sit up an’ listen.

— That’s my point. They won’t sit up when she says we’re grand. It’s borin’. I suppose yeh have all your presents bought, do yeh?

— The ones I didn’t rob.

— Yeh girl.

— Fuck off.

— Wha’ did yeh get young Damien? A wolf?

— God, no. Nothin’ like tha’.

— Wha’ then?

— A hyena.

— Where the fuck did yeh get a hyena?

— Wicklow. There’s a fella rears them – in a caravan, like.

— Where is it now?

— In the attic.

— Does Damien know?

— Not yet. But he stayed with us there a few weeks ago. An’ he tells me tha’ the hyena’s reputation for bein’ a scavenger isn’t deserved. Tha’ they kill 95 per cent of wha’ they eat. Yeh should’ve heard him. Like fuckin’ Attenborough.

— An’ it’s in your attic?

— Yeah.

— Gift-wrapped?

— Not yet, no. That’s her department.

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